Before I began homeschooling, I had this picture in my mind of what I thought homeschooling should look like. I visualized days filled with cool experiments, nature walks, cooking lessons, rainbows, fluffy bunnies, and silver-lined clouds. The picture in my mind was pristine with no room for error. Theoretically, I knew that every day wasn’t going to be sunshine and unicorns, but I was carried away with my mental utopia. Until, that is, reality came crashing down on me. That crash was a good thing because it made me realize homeschool would never be perfect because….
I'm Not The Perfect Mom
For starters, I came to the realization that I had a serious lack of patience that caused me to get easily frustrated and snap at my kids. I wasn’t the calm, cool, collected mom who used all the proper parenting techniques. I tended to overreact at times, not listen to my kids, and get annoyed easily. It really crystallized that something had to give when I noticed that my kids treated each other in the same way I treated them. My kids were a reflection of me and boy did they mirror me! It certainly didn’t make for pleasant homeschool days.
The difficult thing about homeschool is that there is no escape from yourself. I couldn’t just wallow in self-pity at what a wretch I am or in pride say “well, that’s just me”. I wanted a different experience for myself and my kids which means I needed an attitude adjustment. I had to put myself in time out with God and figure some things out. It all went back to the Fruits of the Spirit. You know the cute, little Sunday school lesson we learn as children with fruity coloring pages? We studied the fruits of the Spirit that first year and this mama prayed for more patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. I’d like to say that poof! Overnight I was magically changed into the mom I wanted to be, but I’d be lying!
I have changed though—slowly, but surely. I have intentionally, at times, excruciatingly, changed. And when I fail, I apologize to my kids when needed. I have to confess, repent, and try again. What I don’t get to do is give up.
My Kids Are Not Perfect
If I were the only roadblock to a halcyon homeschool maybe, just maybe, we could achieve this ultimate place I was shooting for, but guess what? My kids are the other hurdle. They aren’t perfect either! At one time, my daughters constantly bickered with one another. At one time, I had to spend all 6 hours of co-op (we participated in 2 co-ops) in my son’s class to manage his behavior. They were far from the Brady bunch kids! But with time, and love, and my new-found patience, I’m watching my kids grow up, grow together, and make wonderful progress!
The Goal Is Progress, Not Perfection
That perfect, little image I imagined has been replaced by something much more attainable, real, and multi-faceted. It’s no longer one image, but snapshots out of our homeschool life. They aren’t perfect, but they’re unique and they’re ours.
What I’m aiming for out of our homeschool is that all of us grow, change, and progress. We have our good days and our bad days, but I can definitely say that none of us are where we used to be and that’s a good thing!
